“Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Romans 8:25
Remember in high school when around junior year people started turning sixteen and getting cars for the first time? Then I’m sure you remember those kids who never worked a day in their life, yet showed up in the student parking lot with brand new BMWs or Mercedes as birthday gifts from their parents. At the time we looked at those kids and either thought, ‘they absolutely don’t deserve that’ or ‘their parents are idiots'(I was the latter of the two). Have you ever thought the same about people on the street asking for money? If they receive the money they are requesting they truly don’t deserve it because they’re probably going to waste it, or that the people offering them money are idiots for buying into the scam.
Well I’ve been thinking about this a lot because I feel guilty.
I feel so undeserving of the things that I have and the blessings that I’ve been given and surely God is a chump for saving my soul because I waste so much time.
The greatest Gift that could have ever been given, sacrificed for the most undeserving because of true Love.
Because of Love.
Honestly, lately I’ve been feeling so selfish and wasteful and that everything that I do is a means of bettering myself and not for the good of those around me. I forget about God and I forget that although my Sin Condition follows me everywhere, so does my Savior. I wish that instead of hanging my head in sorrow at my weakness that I would lift up my eyes to God for His strength. I’ve been praying to be more aware of my need for God and that I will more readily fall into my Savior’s arms when I recognize my need for Him; that instead of searching my own set of abilities for the answers, I turn to Jesus who offers His answers and His Grace along the way.
Why is it so hard to accept Love?
On a very similar note, WE MOVED.
to Indianapolis, Indiana.
So we love it here. I may not have typed that loud enough, WE LOVE IT HERE.
We love Redeemer Presbyterian Church downtown and the friends we have met so far. I love my new job and the most amazing group of people that I could have ever dreamed working with. I now love orthopedic surgery (who knew?). We love the culture and the restaurants and the bike lanes and the coffee and the doughnuts…
…and the people and the big(ger) city, and the artwork EVERYWHERE. We even love our new hair salon.
There is so much to love here.
And you know what? I’ve found myself wondering when the bad is going to set it. I feel paranoid, but things have been so good that I keep expecting God to ground me in some way and remind me that I can’t rely on good circumstance for happiness.
The truth is, things are great, but we haven’t developed any truly close friends yet enough to feel at home and it seems like everything is going to come crashing down and I’m going to feel completely alone.
I have a pretty rotten mindset.
I need prayer for contentedness in right now and the ways God has provided community and literally everything in this transition.
Speaking of community…
I found a running group.
Technically I joined Personal Best Training with Matt Ebersole, but Indy Runners is part of the weekly workouts.
I joined a group on Saturday at Eagle Creek park for a 12 miler with a couple of Ultra runners who are MUCH better than I am.
We ran the 12 in about 7:50 min/mile
Sunday I rested and did some biking and yoga/strength moves
Monday: moderate 5 miler solo
Tuesday: SPEED TUESDAYS!! I’ve been craving some company for speed work forever, and now I can finally have a group to do speed work with and participate in track tuesdays! This week we did a ladder run. 1-2-3-4-5-4-3-2-1 minute intervals with 2 min recovery in between. 2 mi warmup and 1 mi cool down. 8 miles total.
Wednesday: 16.5 bike ride on the Monon with a 1.5 run cool down run.
Matt sent me a personalized training schedule for my Marathon October 18th. And it roooocks.
I’m thankful for so much, but realizing a lot about myself that isn’t easy.
I essence, transitions are good. Praying for rest and trust.
(Here’s a pic of us at a Porch Party after church, I promise we weren’t the only ones there.)
Grace and peace, friends. It’s almost Friday!